Lingerie Helped Me Get My Body Love Back During the Quarantine

That push-up bra was uplifting in more ways than one

Up until recently, I’ve always worn lingerie as a part of enjoying myself with someone else.

I’m a highly visual person who lives in an apartment filled with art and photography. For many years, the idea of becoming a living masterpiece by slipping into silk and lace has enchanted me. I have long hair made up of unruly reddish curls and am hardly a rail-thin body type— so when my partners have seen me stretched out in front of them, they’ve often said I remind them of a Pre-Raphaelite muse who would have been celebrated centuries ago in commissioned paintings. Their compliments have stoked not just the fires of my passion, but also my art history-saturated imagination.

With the Covid-19 quarantine, my life has shifted to long days and nights mostly alone, with the occasional crowded, awkward chat on Zoom. I don’t have as many reasons to wear anything for anyone other than myself anymore. At first this was incredibly depressing — I’d stare at my dresses and blouses and rows of unworn shoes and remember all the times I had put them on and felt alive and happy during special occasions and outings with my friends and loved ones. I’d apply a bright lipstick and mascara just for an online workout class or to run a quick errand, even though I’d never bothered with makeup during exercise before and no one could see my mouth under my mask when I left my apartment. It got really weird.

Like many people who battle eating disorders, I’ve also had to redefine my relationship with my body during this seemingly endless quarantine. Sometimes it’s been frustrating and even frightening to approach the daily upkeep of staying in shape and eating well without the structure of a regular work day and my gym. There’s always that possible danger of veering into extremes and the damage that can cause.

With the exception of my freshman year in college when I was controlling my food too much and getting dangerously skinny, I have mostly struggled with bingeing when I’m upset about something to feel better. When I first started staying at home as part of our public health crisis, I made lots of comfort food like creamy pastas and homemade pizzas to numb how…

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