Everything We Do Boils Down To Either Love Or Fear

An empathetic approach to navigating life.

I am writing this article on a valentine’s Monday morning. Thoughts passing through my head are about an article I just finished reading from an amazing writer who goes by the initials K.L.

My thoughts while reading that article are about how I never feel anything when it comes to days like these. As I walked by the streets early this morning, it was red everywhere.

Flowers, dresses, lips dressed in lipstick, everything. People I have never seen wearing 6-inch heels are showing up a lot taller either feeling bougie or awkward. It’s a public show of affection.

Then there are the romantics who’ve bought out billboards. 50X20ft, 14x48ft, those massive ones. All for a portrait of an individual!!!! I know it’s romantic. I just don’t feel it.

But then again, this is how I feel about the whole day.

I have tried to walk that path in the past(Of trying to feel something I mean). But I have never been in a relationship on valentine’s day— Today is no different.

People talk of valentine’s FOMO, but I also don’t know what it feels like, or at least I have been very successful at blocking out that feeling.

K’s article talks about the hopeless romantics which I know are a lot of people. But at least they feel something.

I am on the extremes and polarised to the other end is my neighbor who bought out a billboard ad for her boyfriend. A relationship they’ve had for just under 3 months now.

Considering how affectionate she is, I want to believe that her actions are based on love. This is assuming that she is not insecure, in which case her actions could be based on fear. But I am team love on this one.

In my case, part of the reason I don’t feel anything about this day is that there is a part of me I never access. I know this because I keep snapping myself out of it when I feel myself getting closer.

It is not a stretch if I say that I am scared of love. I have come close to suicide once and it was because I had let someone in, trusted them and it ended horribly.

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