A Tangled Ball of Yarn

A couple of years ago I was knitting a shawl with a very fine lace yarn when I dropped it. The thread is so fine it is about as thick as a string for sewing. When I dropped this project, it became extremely tangled. I spent the rest of the day trying to untangle this mess.

I spent a few more days over the weeks and months following trying to untangle this mess. Sitting slowly trying to unravel it and becoming increasingly frustrated until I put it down again for another few weeks or months until I wanted to tackle it again.

It has been there for almost 2 years now I think? I’m not even sure exactly. It has been waiting to be untangled so I can finish this project. Yesterday, I said no more. I am going to cut the tangle out, tie the loose ends into a knot and keep moving on with the project.

I was so worried and stressed about not doing it perfectly, missing part of the yarn and wasting it but really I was wasting time and stressing myself out. The longer the yarn mess stood there in plain sight, the more I punished myself and felt bad and guilty about not fixing or sorting it out. Therefore the longer it stood there.

I realized this was almost exactly in relation to my life. The epiphany was so simple and so obvious. Too many times I stress about fixing the tangled mess of my life and relationships in it. Putting most, if not all the burden on myself to fix these things. I stress myself to make sure nothing is wrong, everything is accounted for.

Unraveling the dropped pieces and trying to make them beautiful while trying not lose any “yarn”, time, effort, people, but what I realized is sometimes I have to let it go to move forward. I have to stop wasting years trying to untangle things and just cut it and tie it to move forward.

I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, to not make mistakes, to offer forgiveness when I don’t feel like forgiving. To quiet my pain, my fear, my feelings, to make it look perfect. So I don’t have to say I dropped the ball, I made a mistake. I’m human. It does not make it any less beautiful in the end though. Even if I have to tie it off a few times and start over. Even if that means not forgetting or forgiving certain people for things in my life.

You can move forward without forgiving and allowing someone in your life. To not accept and keep the tangled mess there. To love yourself enough to say, I’m done focusing on the past and say I want to move forward.

What could you let go of today to move onto the path you want?

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