The Home Movie Life Review

Sometimes it’s too painful to watch

Before ipods and iphones had the video feature, actually before ipods, I was a video camera buff. I took libraries of video of my daughter and comedian poodle and the fun moments of our family life with my husband. Some footage is even from Italy which we visited often.

I did follow up and transfer most all of the video to a sturdy hard drive which allows us to cast onto our television for viewing. The movies are not edited, but even better in the raw.

Except now it’s almost too painful to watch them.

My daughter and I have played some of them recently with my husband. We’ve laughed a bit, especially of footage of the poodle, but it’s an odd feeling to watch them as my husband’s life clock ticks louder and louder.

The anguish is that we did not know, of course we did not know, during the multiple recordings of life events that we would be watching them under these circumstances. For my husband it must be a sick life review.

It’s painful.

What did we expect? Well, in a perfect world, to be watching them with grandchildren I suppose.

Life is never perfect.

I wondered for many years why my father had thrown out film from the 1960’s of his brood of six without us ever watching it. Surely it was not so easy to record home movies over fifty years ago. But then his family sort of, well, dissolved over the following decade with drama and gnashing of teeth and undiagnosed disorders.

The prospect of going back and watching and wondering what might have been is awful.

So now I understand.

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